All I Want For Christmas Is... happiness

This blog post is going to be in English....just because I feel like it. Expressing my feelings in Estonian is lately, for some weird reason, very difficult for me. So I apologize for all the grammar errors you might find. And sorry, all my Estonian friends, who can't speak English. :)

                                                                                                   

So, it's the holiday season! Time to be happy and be with your families and eat a lot. And of course receive and give gifts and so on... Well, to be honest, I'm not feeling it AT ALL. First of all, where is the snow? Where is the freezing cold weather? Where is my winter coat? Where are all the Christmas decorations??? I have to admit that I miss the cold weather and snow so so so much right now. In Estonia, probably, I would complain about it to no end, but here in Thailand... I'd give my soul for a cold breeze. For a bucket of snow. For my cats. Ah...my cats. *tries hard not to cry at this point*. No, not really. I'm trying my hardest to stay positive and not think about home or my family or...well...my cats. To be honest, without the "Christmas feel" it's not all that difficult. 

I've been here for...*quick counting* almost 6 months. Well, in 12 days it will be 6 months. And when I think about it, it just sounds crazy to me. And it just occurred to me that my "6 month anniversary" will be on the "Christmas day". So I can celebrate both in my head...hmm. Anyways, my point is that I only have 4 months left, give or take a day or two. That is actually not that much. I remember that in the beginning of November I was thinking "oh no, 4 more months of school" and voila, 2 months (well, to me December is over) have already passed. How did that happen, I have literally no idea. So I can only imagine how fast these 4 months will go by. And after 4 months, my exchange year will be over and I will leave Thailand, I hope, without regrets. Also, I know it may seem to people who read my blog or watched my videos that I don't like school. And yeah, it's true, I don't really enjoy it. And it's ENTIRELY my fault. I literally can't blame anybody but myself. And I haven't quite figured it out how to change it. Well, hopefully these last 2 months will bring more joy into my schooldays.

Right now I just feel like I don't want to be in Thailand anymore. I feel like I've had enough. I feel tired. These 6 months have not been, by any means, easy for me. These 6 months have changed me and my views on life a lot. I have stared to appreciate what I have. My family, friends, home, cats... And I appreciate the fact that I have the opportunity to spend 10 months in Thailand. So, today I just punched some sense into my brain. Or..I don't know how to write it in English. In other words, I sat down and made some promises to myself (kind of like New Year's resolutions I suppose) and thought hard about my attitude on all this...stuff. Well, it was kind of hard, because today I found out that one other girl from Estonia, who goes to an international school here in Bangkok, went back to Estonia for holidays...I might have been a teeny tiny bit jealous. Anyways, I managed to only think of a one promise: Don't be a stupid little brat, you idiot (followed by a few swear words). And I realized that I actually want to be in Thailand. Makes sense? Nope. Yeah, so that's that! 

I have no idea where I am going with this post but I guess what I'm tying to say is...nothing.

Wow bravo well done Johanna! Here's a huge cup of what are you doing. 

Actually I was inspired by one other exchange student's blog post and like she had a point! And it gave me some stuff to think about. It made me realize that these 4 months will go by fast and I should appreciate and enjoy each and every one of them as best as I could. And I should be, well, happy! :) And that's what I'm going to be, just happy! Because there is no point in being sad when you live in Thailand, the land of great people and great food. (not happy about about all the weight I have gained tho...damn you good food!)

I just want to wish everyone happy holidays! Appreciate everything good you have in your life! :)

Here's some nightmare material: